In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Girls should come with a carfax report
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
