Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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