I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
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Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize