I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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