The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
