he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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