It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
