I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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