The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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