Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I wear drunk well.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
