I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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