I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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