oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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