I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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