Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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