Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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