Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
