Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
