I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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