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matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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