The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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