So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
