you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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