dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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