Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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