Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
