I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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