Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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