Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
