I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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