Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
