remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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