what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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