well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
