Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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