I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
