I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
