how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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