Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
