My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
