Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
