I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
