and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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