also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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