i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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