Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
