Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
