Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
