It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
