I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
