What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
