He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My liver just broke up with me...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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