I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
