Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
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Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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