Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize