I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
