Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
