btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
