She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
