I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
