genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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