If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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