you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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