Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
