Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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