I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
