It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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