Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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