My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
