This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
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i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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